Arson Destroys Only Reason To Visit Maine

I was in Maine once, long ago. It was fine, but I haven't felt much need to return. There just never seemed to be much reason – until, that is, the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop came along. A coffee shop with topless waitresses? What could be better?

Donald Crabtree, the owner of this fine establishment, had an answer to that question: stay open till 1am and have the topless waitresses also dancing. Talk about bringing the awesome.

Unfortunately, people can be very strange, and someone decided that this was just too much to handle. The Grand View has been destroyed by arson.

The nature of this mysterious threat that half-naked women pose is a mystery, but one thing is clear: once again, I can't think of any reason to visit Maine.